So, this week I got to thinking about core strength. But I’m not talking about the abs kind of core strength… I’m talking about deep self-confidence, especially for introverts.
I’m talking about the unshakeable, solid ok-ness that is sooo bloody useful.
When you’re one of the quiet ones it’s easy to imagine solid self-confidence belongs to the extroverts… but that’s simply not true. And I know there will have been a time where you felt it; if not at work, then maybe when you’re enjoying a hobby or with your family… I mean that deep, deep knowledge that, whatever you say, whoever hears you (or doesn’t), you’re totally ok.
A time when you just believe in yourself.
And it doesn’t matter whether anyone else does or not. Yes, that’s how damned OK I’m talking about!
And yes, arguably its easier to do 100 sit ups every day than nail this one!
So here’s the image that came to mind as I was thinking about it.
Being different people is exhausting & unstable
Here you can see that the central bit, the core of yourself, that you show everywhere is quite small, you’re being 3 different people…exhausting and unstable. Pretty unsustainable.
Being more of yourself, more of the time, is ease-full & sustainable
Here though, your core is much, much stronger, you’re being more of yourself more of the time, which not only feels more ease-full, it also feels sustainable, and authentic, plus people see more of the real you.
Of course, there will always be parts of yourself that you save for work (apparently it’s not ethical to coach your family without permission!) and parts you save for home; I’d never show up here in my letters telling you to tidy your room…
Ok, so what? Well, I believe that self-belief grows when…
A. You accept yourself as you are
B. Others accept you as you are
So, the more you can show your core self, the more you know you are accepted as you are, and the people who approach to work with you. buy from you, or simply make friends with you, will know who you really are. They won’t be surprised when you relax further into the relationship and show the real you, because you’re already doing that. You won’t feel like a fake or a fraud, and you won’t have to ‘switch’ from one you to another.
And, honestly, this has come up for me a lot as I’ve set out on my business!
How much of me do I show in my letters, on my social media? How honest can I be?
Maybe by now you’ll know that I err on the side of
painful refreshing honesty and so for me it feels essential to tell you up front that yes I’m one of the quiet ones, but I can get a bit giddy; I choose wellies over heels every time, swear like a sailor and perhaps wear make-up twice a year. I’ll tell it like it is and I think you want that from me too.
I’ve also thought about how honest I am with myself; how many hours do I work, and what else do I need? Gardening time, reading time, family time? I’ve thought about who I work with… clients, collaborators, support team. I want to be me with all those people, and know now that it’s ok to say no to the ones who I can’t be me with!
Let me leave with you with my three favourite tips for building your core of self-belief; not a sit-up or a crunch in sight!
What could you try, to find out just how accepted you are, just as you are? Treat the results lightly, it’s just an experiment, no big deal… this allows it to feel safe whilst you gather evidence…
Seriously, make a note of your successes! This helps you to believe you can do it again.
If you’re feeling unsure about something new, that’s ok. Simply create a mental picture of what you need to do, and practice it in your head a few times. This is as good as a real rehearsal and will help you to believe you can do it. Because you can! You’ve got this.
I’ll leave you with this quote; it’s one of my favourites and it so apt today…
Some people will like me,
And some won’t
So I might as well be me,
And then I know
That the people who like me, like me.Hugh Prather
If you’re ready to get out of your own way, and work with a quietly impactful coach to boost your self-belief, book your free 30 minute discovery call with me just here